


Magic Cat Aquisition

by Spectral_Aspen



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Maribat - Fandom, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Actual Cat Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Jason swears a lot, Swearing, This is pure fluff, backstory optional, wow that's an actual tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:40:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29912925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectral_Aspen/pseuds/Spectral_Aspen
Summary: There's a cat in Jason's room.Jason does not own a cat.
Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug & Jason Todd
Comments: 11
Kudos: 98





	Magic Cat Aquisition

**Author's Note:**

> Ironically, I am not actively in this fandom, I'm stuck in the Witcher fandom again, but I've read a lot of Actual-Wolf!Geralt fics lately and this magically appeared in my brain for no apparent reason and I thought I'd share. Not sure I will continue it or not. There are a few nebulous ideas I have floating around, but I am a historically inconsistent writer/poster, so idk.
> 
> Sorry if Jason is OOC. I know little and I claim to know even less. All of his behaviour is derived from a lot of fanfics.

There is a cat in his room.

Shockingly blue eyes stare at Jason from underneath his bed, presumably black fur blending in near perfectly with the shadows around it. If he lies flat and tilts his head he can just make out its general shape, the twitching of its tail, against the wall behind it. 

What the fuck.

He stares at the cat.

“What the fuck.”

The cat, unsurprisingly, says nothing.

Fine, that’s a lie. Jason had half expected it to actually say something. He’s seen some weird shit in his life, okay?

Nonetheless, the cat stays where it is. Underneath his bed, which is in his room, which is in a moderately run-down apartment, which is in Gotham but that nobody knows about. 

Fuck.

How did a cat even get in here?

A few minutes later, and Jason startles when the cat sneezes. 

Oh yeah. Guess it is a little dusty under there… maybe he should get a roomba or something. Can roombas even survive the amount of shed fur a cat generates? Little demon Wayne back at the manor has Alfred to help clean up after his menagerie, Jason has himself and nobody else.

Gods that’s depressing.

Should he grab the cat? It’s not like the cat can hurt him any more than all the other weird and dangerous bullshit in his life. He’s literally died before. 

“Get your little butt over here,” he says quietly, stretching a hand out but not touching the cat. It’s eyes track his hand, and he’s pretty sure the cat tenses up, but otherwise it doesn’t react. No hissing, no growling, it’s not pissing itself in fear, it’s not even trying to move away.

Is it a magic cat? Gods, Jason hates magic. He doesn’t hate cats, but honestly? If this situation goes bad he can easily start. He’s flexible like that. 

What cat experience does Jason have that he can draw on here? Not much...

Alfred the cat is a scratchy little asshole, and the little demon Wayne doesn’t like anyone else taking up the cat’s time regardless. Jason may have been banned from interacting with the little feline menace when he called him Catfred. Alfred the Cat is just so long to say! Little demon Wayne has no sense of humour...

Catwoman is in no way someone he’s going to look to to figure out weird cat behaviour (is it stereotyping to assume she knows about cats when she dresses up in a skintight cat-suit and goes around as a cat-burglar calling herself Catwoman? Maybe. Does Jason really care? No.) 

Jason is also pretty sure there’s a magic villain kid with a freaky cat… Klarion? And his cat… Tiny? No… Tiki? Also doesn’t sound right… Tinkle? Closer but no. Teakle? Sounds right but… it has weird spelling. Jason distinctly remembers thinking  _ what the fuck  _ when he saw how to spell the cat’s name. Teekl? Yeah. That’s it. Jason had a vague memory of Tim bitching about the witch boy and his creepy cat a few years ago.

Maybe, if the cat is magic, he can track down Klarion and ask him about what the fuck one does with a magic cat. Or maybe how to return it. Surely there’s a magical animal version of the SPCA somewhere?

Whatever. The cat still hasn’t moved. 

It looks very small. Maybe it’s just that he can’t clearly make out its shape properly, but it doesn’t look like a fully grown cat. Then again his cat-related knowledge is limited. Maybe its hungry. Cats can eat… food? Milk seems to be a common theme in kids shows, possibly, if Jason is remembering things correctly. 

Oh, wait. There’s an easy solution to this.

He pulls out his phone and hits the first person on his emergency contact list.

“Yo, Alfred. Can cats drink milk? Or is that a Hollywood thing?”

“As with most mammals cats stop being able to drink milk without digestive complications as they age, as from an evolutionary point, there was no need for them to be able to do so.”

“Sweet. Thanks.”

“My pleasure, Master Jason. Anything else?”

Jason stares at the cat, who has stopped watching his still-outstretched hand and is now watching Jason’s face with unnerving intensity. Cats blink, right? Has this cat blinked yet? Shit, is it defective? Are there lubricating eye drops for cats?

“Uh, cats blink, right?”

“Yes, Master Jason, cats blink. If a cat is threatened or afraid it may not seem like it as they can keep their eyes open for quite a while, but they do blink. Slow, obvious blinking is a sign of trust.”

“Okay, good. Just thought I should check.”

“Of course.”

“What do they eat?”

“I’m unsure of how well stocked your apartment currently is-”

“Wait, how do you know I’m in my apartment?”

“-but any cooked, unseasoned meat should be fine for now. Every cat has their preferences, of course. My little namesake prefers chicken to all kinds of seafood we’ve tried so far.”

Jason huffs and slowly stretches out, his fingers now barely a few inches from the cat’s head. 

“...Thanks, Al.”

“As I said, it was my pleasure, Master Jason. Anything else?”

The cat moves, so quickly Jason barely even sees it happen. If the cat hadn’t decided to try to get out from under the bed by sprinting  _ right at his face what the fuck  _ then he likely would have missed it.

Jason tries to retreat to dodge the crazy maybe-magical cat, but he’s partially underneath his bed and his head slams into the underside of his bedframe.

“OW! Shit. Fuck. Stupid fucking cat.”

Fortunately he doesn’t have a face-full of angry/scared cat. 

Unfortunately he didn’t see where the cat actually went. 

“Master Jason?”

“Stupid cat ran at my face. Thanks for the advice, Al. Gotta go.”

“Take care, Master Jason. I would recommend the series  _ My Cat From Hell  _ if you plan to keep a cat. It focuses on a cat behaviour specialist who is quite remarkable at what he does.”

“High praise coming from you, Al. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Stay safe, Master Jason.”

“I’ll try. Bye, Al.”

Phone back in his jean pocket, Jason sighs as he stares at his open bedroom door. Given that he’s been ambushed by Catfred several times before Jason is well aware of what sneaky bastards cats can be. Hopefully the mystery cat will be kinder. 

…

Spoiler alert? 

It’s not. 

…

“Stupid fucking cat,” he grumbles, scowling at the ceiling as the little menace purrs from its perch on his chest. Jason is pointedly ignoring the scratches covering basically everything, and is instead focusing on the very magical cat he’s spent the last two hours  _ (two fucking hours)  _ chasing/tracking down. 

He’d tried luring it out with food, then with shitty improvised toys, then he’d tried to drop a towel on it to burrito wrap it like he vaguely remembers seeing people to with aggressive small animals. After watching the towel  _ crumble into dust  _ when the cat touched it while its eyes were  _ actually fucking glowing  _ Jason had decided  _ fuck it  _ and layed down on his living room floor to stew in the fact that a tiny fucking  _ magical cat  _ had defeated him.

A tiny,  _ crazy dangerous  _ magical cat, but still.

A fucking cat.

Of course, shortly afterwards the cat had strolled right up to Jason, stared him dead in the eye when he turned his head to look at it, and jumped on top of him before curling up and falling asleep.

At least, he’s pretty sure the menace is asleep. Can cats purr in their sleep? Apparently maybe. 

Welp.

Guess he’s a cat owner now. 

That’s what this means, right? The cat purring on his chest means the stupid thing has like… claimed him? Right? 

“Hey, cat.”

The purring gets quieter, and the cat turns to look at his face.

That’s normal.

Totally normal.

Maybe it’s just reacting to the sound?

“You, uh, planning on staying?”

The cat yawns, and holy shit it’s  _ absolutely fucking adorable.  _ Little pink mouth full of tiny teeth. Ugh. Too cute. If the cat does stay Jason has a feeling he’s gonna need more memory on his phone because he’s gonna turn into one of  _ those  _ people. You know. The ones with a thousand photos of their cat within a month or so and a dedicated cat-blog run in the cat’s name. 

Then the cat nods. 

As in a very clear head-up-and-down movement.

So normal. Everything here is  _ totally, perfectly normal. _

“Uh...great?” The cat’s purring gets louder again. “You got a name?”

_ The cat nods again. _

Wow this is  _ so normal everything is fine. _

“Guess it’d be too easy for us if you could talk, eh?”

The cat sneezes  _ (so cute holy shit) _ and starts kneading his chest.

Now, Jason has literally been beaten to death before, but the tiny cat claws rhythmically digging into his chest are  _ weirdly painful.  _ Like tiny needles. Tiny. Adorable. Needles.

“Ow.”

The cat starts purring louder.

“I said  _ ow.” _

Somehow the cat manages to purr even louder. The sound is completely disproportionate to the size of it’s tiny body, and Jason can practically feel his entire torso vibrating. 

“Rude.”

Now, the cat is entirely black, so the small details of it’s fluffy little body are hard to discern, but Jason is almost 100% sure that the cat is  _ smirking. _

“Ugh. You’re gonna be a tiny menace, aren’t you?”

Another nod.

“Great.” Jason carefully digs out his phone so he disturbs the cat as little as possible. 

“Wanna smile for the camera and freak my family out with my accidental cat acquisition?”

The cat stops kneading his chest, and the purring quiets. Tiny pawsteps help the cat down towards Jason’s head, and the cat curls up in the hollow of his neck, between his head and shoulder. 

The photo is absolutely terrible the first five times Jason takes it, because apparently black cats just show up as black blobs of darkness in photos, but after he warns the cat he takes a photo with the flash on and, while it’s only marginally better, at this point Jason is too tired for this shit. He’s an undead sometimes-gang lord and mass-murder damnit, not a cat photographer. 

“You got a name I can attach to this?”

The cat stares at him, silently judging his life choices.

“Rude. How about this. Do you know how to spell your name using the latin alphabet?” The cat nods. “Great. I’ll say letters of the alphabet, and when I get to the ones that spell your name you do something. Meow. Nod. Whatever. We can spell your name that way. Sound good?”

The cat nods again. 

Almost half an hour later, because the cat has a long fucking name apparently, he posts the photo to his private Instagram. The description reads: 

_“Some are born to be parents, some achieve parenthood, and some have parenthood thrust upon them.”_

__

__

_ Meet Marinette, assholes. I’ve only had her since this morning but if any of y’all try anything I’ll kill every single one of you and then myself._

**Author's Note:**

> If you want I guess you can believe that the cat is actually a random cat. I was specifically thinking that Marinette from Miraculous Ladybug is now a cat with the powers of the black cat miraculous (hence the whole actually being a black cat thing), but if that's not your thing then just imagine it's a normal (ha) magical cat.
> 
> I mention the show _My Cat From Hell_ and despite how dramatic the name is it's FANTASTIC and helped me understand my cats SO MUCH I absolutely 15/10 would recommend it. Jackson Galaxy (the guy who runs the show) is amazing and deserves all the happy cats. Seriously. Amazing. Watch that shit on YouTube or something if you have questions about cat behaviour.
> 
> [ Klarion Bleak (New Earth) | DC Database | Fandom ](https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Klarion_Bleak_\(New_Earth\))  
>  Helped “Robin” (assuming Tim because that’s who the link leads to) during the “Infinite Crisis” which apparently happened in 2005-2006, no idea the details or if it happened in this universe, but let’s just assume that Tim has, in fact, worked with Klarion and Teekl at some point for some reason. Idk the details.
> 
>   
> [ Why Cats and Cow's Milk Don't Mix (prestigeanimalhospital.com) ](https://www.prestigeanimalhospital.com/services/cats/blog/why-cats-and-cows-milk-dont-mix)  
>  #Nomilkforcats please and thank you. That shit is a lie and can make your poor fur baby _miserable._
> 
> [ Alfred the Cat (Batman in Bethlehem) | DC Database | Fandom ](https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Alfred_the_Cat_\(Batman_in_Bethlehem\))  
>  Uh… apparently this version of Catfred talks? And… makes references to Sherlock Holmes? In the image attached to the page Catfred says “Ah, Master Damian, the game is afoot!” 


End file.
